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calculating my calories has become somewhat of an obsession of late i used breast feeding as an excuse to eat whatever i wanted and in mass quantities adding 10 lbs to my morbidly obese self is the last thing i need it has made it so much harder to take care of the kids. like being either pregnant or breast feeding for 35 out of the last 38 months has helped me control the quality of what i eat i just wallowed in the ups and downs of mass sugar consumption, hiding candy in every form from my husband. eating fast food at every moment possible making sure to eat it in the parking lot shamefully so i could rid myself of the evidence....well i didn't rid myself of all the evidence i wore some home inside of me, under my skin it manifested itself as shame about how i looked and smelled. i smelt like i was rotting and yeasty no matter how many showers i took during the day how much deodorant or perfume i used nothing could mask the smell... eating better food has improved my condition slightly i know that exercise will be what really gets me back to what i was. i was 220 lbs and in a size 13/14 i wasn't terribly satisfied with myself then but at least i didn't stink, at least i didn't avoid looking at myself in a mirror at least my husband would touch me....he hasn't touched me since our youngest was born, that was almost 9 months ago i can count the times we have been intimate in the last 3 years on 1 hand how did we end up like this....he has gained a little weight too but it is nothing compared to how much i have gained. i feel shame for how i have treated my body all for some temporary taste the slick of fatty foods on my tongue, i don't want my children to grow up with a sedentary mother and i definitely don't want them that being the weight that i have gotten to is healthy i want them to be able to run if they want to not just dream of running because they weigh too much to do it...i guess thats it i feel better for getting all that off my chest
View Diet Calendar, 20 February 2011:
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1573 kcal
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Fat: 46.95g | Prot: 80.06g | Carbs: 226.38g.
Breakfast: Water, Oranges, honeycrisp apple (large), Fat Free Strawberry Yogurt. Lunch: Water, Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes, Cooked Carrots, Sweet Italian Style Chicken Sausage. Dinner: Water, Mixed Salad Greens, Low Fat Raspberry Vinaigrette, thin sliced 21 whole grains killer light 65 calorie bread, Chunk Light Tuna in Water, Light Chicken & Dumpling Soup, deli cuts oven-roasted turkey brt, reduced sodium provolone. Snacks/Other: coconut cream egg, Peanut Butter Hearts, Water, organic mother's milk tea caffeine free herbal tea promotes healthy lactation, Water, Strawberries. more...
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3917 kcal
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Exercise:
breast feeding - 1 hour, Housework - 1 hour, Dance (fast step, aerobic) - 25 minutes, Resting - 17 hours and 35 minutes, Sleeping - 4 hours. more...
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